Wine & Boredom Made Me Do It.

I’ve decided to leave Twitter and tumblr. I didn’t know what to say, so I thought I’d tell the story about how and why I started tweeting in the first place. It’s not a funny story, but it has a happy ending…

In March of this year, for reasons which I won’t go into, I attempted to kill myself. As far as ‘attempts’ go, it was a pretty good one. Not totally successful, but fairly close. Physically, I managed to do quite a bit of damage to myself. Mentally and emotionally, I was totally fucked. You kinda have to be totally fucked before you decide to completely give up on everything.

Anyway…

When I was ‘recovering’ in hospital I decided to open a Twitter account so that I could follow Charlie Sheen and witness his mental breakdown rather than concentrating on my own.

Reading tweets (which is all I did at first) kept my mind occupied when I was in hospital. By the time I was discharged from hospital and sent home, I had started writing tweets (mainly hash-tag bullshit and stalking celebrities through @replies). I’d even managed to pick up a few hundred followers (mainly follow-backs). I was starting to lose interest, and was about to quit, when I came across Favstar.

Favstar changed everything; all of a sudden I could see that people were reading and responding to my tweets. I was now part of a community that had chosen to separate itself from the rest of twitter and do things differently. On June 14th, when I bought my bonus features, I had around 400 followers. Three weeks later I got my first thousand. More importantly, I started to make friends; slowly at first, but my confidence grew each week.

Since then I’ve made meaningful friendships with funny and intelligent people from all over the world. These friendships and the success I’ve enjoyed on Favstar, kept me going for long enough to get my life back together. Without them, I would’ve had a second attempt at suicide. I honestly believe that to be true. I always learn from my mistakes, and I wouldn’t have failed second time round.

If you’ve given me a star, a retweet, a trophy, sent me an @, or DMd me over the last 6 months, then, without knowing it, you helped to save my life. I am eternally grateful to you.

It’s over now…

I’ve decided to leave now for three reasons. Firstly, there’s a lot of hatred and jealousy here at the moment, and it’s not good for me to be around it. Secondly, I don’t need Twitter/Favstar as a crutch anymore. I’m happy now and need to live more of my life in the real world. And finally, I’ve kinda ran out of shit to say. There are a finite number of times you can make a joke about your vagina before people lose interest. I probably passed that number a few weeks ago.

Although I’m leaving and don’t plan to return, I will not be deleting my account. Instead, I’m giving it to someone I trust to look after it for me. I might need it again in the future. I really hope I don’t, but you never know.

So, that’s it. That’s me done. I’m sorry that this post is so long, clumsily written, and badly punctuated. Words aren’t really my thing. As far as Favstar goes, I think I did all right for an accountant. Being crazy probably helped.

I’ll be online for another couple of hours until my password is changed. If you want to DM or @ or whatever, please do, but I can’t promise I’ll reply to any of them.

Goodbye, my Internet friends. Be happy, be kind to each other, and have fun.

I owe you my life; I’ll never forget.

Jess.xxx.

December 2^nd 2011